Like stress, grief is a part of everyone’s life, but it seems to happen more often when we are older. Individual experiences of the intensity and duration of grief are different. 

There is no “right” way to grieve. Grief is a natural response and may come with a loss of any kind (whether is was expected or not, whether it is the loss of a pet or a job or financial security).  Sometimes one loss seems to lead to another and as losses compound, older adults are at higher risk for developing a mental health disorder such as anxiety or depression.

If a person tries to stay too busy to think about or feel a loss, or tries to continue to numb the pain or cut off feelings (by using alcohol or drugs), they are at risk for developing a mental and/or physical illness.

Common responses are:

• Disbelief, feeling numb and shocked, unable to accept the loss
• Anger or frustration
• Sadness, with feelings of helplessness, despair and isolation
• Changes in energy, appetite and sleeping habits
• Yearning for what is lost
• Relief that any suffering is over
• Feelings of anxiety or depression
  
  If the symptoms persist beyond a couple of months, or if they are so intense that they interfere with daily functioning, it is time to seek professional help.

A child’s death arouses an overwhelming sense of injustice — for lost potential, unfulfilled dreams and senseless suffering. Parents may feel responsible for the child’s death, no matter how irrational that may seem. Parents may also feel that they have lost a vital part of their own identity.

A spouse’s death is very traumatic. Older adults may be especially vulnerable because it could mean losing a longtime companion with shared experiences.  The death may cause major social adjustments and changes in daily routine.

Death of friends may have a dramatic effect due to the loss of a social and support network with peers.  These losses also remind people of their own mortality.  Individuals may experience a loss of common culture and shared experiences when losing friends.  

A loss due to suicide can be among the most difficult loss to bear. The death may leave the survivors with a tremendous burden of guilt, anger and shame. Survivors may even feel responsible for the death.  Seeking counseling during the first weeks after the suicide is helpful.

Be assured that grief is healthy and appropriate as a necessary part of the healing process.

Remember —It takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss. You never stop missing your loved one, but the pain eases after time and allows you to go on with your life.